What Exactly Are Labels?
Labels. What exactly are labels? Why do we have them and what is the point of being labeled? Our society feels the need to place a label on a thing or a person when we cannot define what it means. Precisely it makes us feel more comfortable and it is an easier way to put people in a specific group. Another way to make others feel superior while belittling others.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship with an older man who is an Italian celebrity artist. He was raised in a powerful mafia family back in the day and I did not realize this when I had first met him. I was only smitten by his work and how attractive he was at the time. Later in the relationship he revealed some secrets to me from his past and my experience reminds me a little bit like the classic film, “Goodfellas.” Exciting and menacing. Let’s say I was not bored unlike some relationships I fall into. I respect his honesty and goodness. I was shocked and captivated at the same time as a twisted rope that intertwined in my gut. I admired him for turning himself in for something that he was not proud of doing. It takes great courage to step forward and take full responsibility for your actions, especially the consequences were not pleasant. Believe me, things could have been poorer for him if he didn’t turn himself in. He was stuck with a label that defined him for nearly thirty years. The difference between him and I was that I was born into a label that I had no choice of selecting for myself, but he had a choice. My label was visible, and his label was invisible. I was not able to run away from it.
No matter how challenging your childhood was or how severe your trauma was in the past, you are responsible for your own life. There will always be consequences, just like there will always be stars in the universe. The choice that I had decided to make was going to change my life forever. The choice was that I was going to live an extraordinary fulfilled life, meeting amazing people, traveling the world, making my own money, and helping others. The disheartening truth was that people would hastily judge my face without knowing my story. It blows me away that there are people out there who can judge a burned veteran survivor and not comprehending that he fought for our country and for our freedom. People will have no idea that they may be standing next to a serial killer, a rapist, con artist, or even an ex-mobster like the man I was in a relationship with. Nevertheless, our society can judge a person just for having a scar or for being different.
I grew up poor in a small town in Idaho. We lived in a tiny beat up trailer on our newly purchased 150-acre land before our family started building our log cabin. I remember my mother told me that we were very poor that they could manage to pay to eat green beans from a can, days at a time. I was too young to remember those days, but we lived on public assistance for many years. My parents did not attend college, nor did they know much about investment, which is unfortunate. Investing can be one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. I sometimes resented them for not preparing me for my future, and if they had it would had saved me from difficult hardships. I had to learn a lot of things the hard way and it was not amusing. However, what they did offer was abundance of love. I was loved and that was all it mattered at the time.
It took me several years to accept myself and to let the world know the name of the syndrome that I was born with. I would scream inside of my head when I heard the word “face,” escaping between a person’s lips. I immediately felt horrified and extremely self-conscious, although it had nothing to do with me. The word face growing up was my least beloved word. I had avoided telling journalists for the first few years in my career, as I did not want people to just perceive me as a woman with Treacher Collins Syndrome. I was more than just a woman with Treacher Collins Syndrome. I did not want to be placed in a polka dot box with a sticky tag stuck to my forehead…categorizing what society considers of me.
At the time I feared that people would not recognize my talents or comprehend the woman that I am. I’ve come to realized that it was because I did not fully accept myself and I favored too much what others thought of me. All of the things that I had to endure and went through had helped shaped the woman that I have become. Similar to an exquisite butterfly waiting to evolve and that does not happen over-night, it takes time. It can take years, but the reward at the end of it all will be worth it. I had to sacrifice a lot and to give up a much easier life so I can reach for the stars.
I could have easily stayed back home in Idaho. I would have been being isolated from the real world, encircled by the same faces that I would see on a regular basis and hearing small town gossip that would creep into my home. I could have hide out in the woods and felt sorry for myself. At least, I would not have been alone on Holidays and I could have lived a very simple and artless life. Therefore, that did not happen.
Like my mother once voiced when I was a little girl, “Be thankful for what you have and use what you got.” That is exactly what I did. I had to learn to be thankful for the things that I had, even though I had very little. I learned to appreciate my gifts and worked exceedingly hard through the stagnant years to craft my talents. I went out there and I’ve made a choice to live the life that I want and developed the woman that I dreamed of being. I did not listen to anyone what they thought, I wanted to go out there into the real world, I wanted to grow, I wanted to learn, and I wanted to make big change. I wanted to do all of that just to make the world a better place. I had the courage to go out into the real world and I lived in rough neighborhoods in large cities alone for years. I had worked at awful jobs that I despised greatly that paid very little. There were times that I was not able to afford a pair of shoes or go to an event. I would sometimes avoid going to a friend’s gatherings, as I was too embarrassed that I could not afford to buy them a gift. There were countless times that I could have given up, but I didn’t. I believed in myself too much to quit. What motivated me every day was my oath that I had made to God when I was a little girl to complete my quest that I was born to do. I could not let God down.
There were times in my journey that I felt like a warrior in “Conan the Destroyer.” Or an extraterrestrial who came from another dimension to help planet earth with the major transition that we are currently working through…I know…maybe a little too eccentric?
What matters furthermost is that you know who you are and your value that you bring to this world. No one else can define you, except for yourself. I am more than just a label. I am more than just a woman with Treacher Collins Syndrome.
“I am unconquerable like a barbarous sword that was retrieved from battle. My wounds were healed by the grace of God that unfolds a story. Alongside my fatiguing journey I have embraced my scars and avowed my rights like a blowing horn. I stumbled upon. Beauty Is Different & Different Is Beauty.”
